When I thought about having kids and when they were born, my only desire was to love them, to take care of them gently and make them happy. I knew I wanted the best for them, but somehow everything changed when my kids started to be and act in ways very different from my perfect picture. Suddenly the unconditional love I wanted to give my kids was not there, the gentleness and happiness slipped away from our days. I went from loving mom to mean judge who yelled punishments for bad behavior and sat their kids in time outs to teach them a lesson. Tough love entered my home. I took away the most basic human right a little child has, the right to be safe from physical and emotional harm. The problem I didn’t see before was that I believed I was doing what was best for them. Conditioning is dangerous when we are unconscious because we are operating from the external programming passed down to us, in other words, our parenting decisions have been made for us already and unless we are aware of this, we automatically reproduce them with our kids or other relationships.
Every child has the right to be respected, loved and protected just like any other human. Anything that takes away the children’s rights is just a projection of our inner wounds and our own needs. A conscious parent is not perfect but is aware of his triggers and his inner state and he uses the moments when the child mirrors his pain to grow and then transform his relationship.
The words Though and Love don’t go together because deliberately harming a child is not an act of love. The problem is that most parents are left without another option, they don’t know what else to do. They have read every book and applied every technique out there. And nothing is working, Why? Because every parent-child relationship is unique and the wisdom to raise a child is not out there anywhere. It is within every parent, they just need to be able to access it.
So, what is the most authentic alternative to raising children? Conscious Parenting, which I call Conscious Love. Providing our child with a kind of love that allows us to look within and helps us be a better version of ourselves. This love provides the child the basic rights, and it is the kind of love that allows the child to unfold into who he already is and not the fantasy the parent had for his child.
Isabel Stafford, Family Alchemist™
#isabelstafford #notoughlove #consciouslove #noharm #lovedoesnthurt #basicrightsforkids #giverespect #uncoditionallove #nopunishments #kidsarehumans #ourprojection