If we were able to stop for a moment before we automatically shame our kids when they are misbehaving, and if we were able to think before we spoke or acted, most times we would change our reaction for a better response. Our conditioning takes the wheel every time we get triggered and if we are not aware we end up doing what was done to us and what we learned from others.
When I ask parents, Wouldn’t you love to raise your children based on values you have decided for your own family? Wouldn’t you love to have a relationship with your kids based on nurturing and intentional interactions?, I get a resounding YES. They have not chosen consciously to yell, threat, shame or spank their kids. This approach to parenting is the automatic response to the pain and brokenness they carry within and that unconsciously comes out when their loved ones trigger them.
We shame others because that’s what was done to us and we didn’t learn another way, we felt worthless for not being good enough and now when our kids don’t measure up to the image we have of them we repeat the cycle and our kids learn worthlessness because they will never measure up to the high standards we have for the child of our fantasies. The child in front of us is calling us to look within and heal and realize our inherent worth, it is up to us to pass down the pain or to end it with us and end the cycle.
If you are tired of feeling triggered and unable to manage your inner state before reacting to what your child is saying or doing, it is time to reach out to me or one of our amazing coaches here at The Family Alchemists. We will guide you on this path of Conscious Parenting and you will feel empowered to parent your child without the baggage of your childhood.
-Isabel Stafford, Family Alchemist™
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