As adults, we claim one of our most basic rights, the right to be safe from harm or hurt. And ironically, we have such a difficult time granting this right to the most vulnerable human beings in our society, our children.
Have you looked at this from the point of view of your children? Have you ever wonder how your child might feel when you are yelling at him? When you leave him isolated in time out? When you spank him? Or threaten him?
I remember the fear in my children’s’ faces many years ago before I started on the path of Conscious Parenting, I remember them running to hide, they were afraid, they didn’t feel safe. In the name of discipline, I took away their most basic right and my most important responsibility to them as a parent, to create a safe environment for them, free of harm.
At one point when I was researching about helping children with bullying, somehow I had an aha moment, I felt described entirely, I felt horrified to realize that I was being my kids’ first bully. I was using my size and my power to instill fear on them so I could get what I wanted from them. Here is where it gets confusing and for most of us parents justifiable: What we are trying to get our kids to do or not do is what’s best for them. So, the point here isn’t the honorable goal we have in mind but it is the means to get there. The end doesn’t justify the means. It felt pretty hypocritical to apply the bullying definition to everyone else that will hurt my children but not to myself because “I am the parent”. I realized that this type of thinking reduces the child to be seen as property.
With every Aha moment and realization like this one, has come a beautiful transformation. It wasn’t easy to shift my mindset and start living in alignment with my values and what it feels right in my heart, but I was committed to change my relationship with my children no matter what it took.
I am here for you, I walked the path and I can guide you. Reach out, parenting was not meant to be done alone, we all need help at some point and that’s ok.
-Isabel Stafford, Family Alchemist
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